pbbunnie
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Boyfriend issues

Posted 10 years ago
christinemic9
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Re: Boyfriend issues

Ok..so there ARE positives to his personality and your relationship is not as bad as it sounded...I was worried there. I know when my friends tell me about the men they're seeing, they tend to go on and on about the negatives and then when I start bashing on their boyfriends, then they say some positives. (I was like that too about past boyfriends I was seeing-mentioning things that irritate me, and then later say the positives and then wonder why my friends have a bad feeling about him. I no longer mention the negatives...I just say the positives and hope for the best in the relationship) In the beginning, it sounds like they want to break up, but then later, they're like "oh no..i'm just annoyed or irritated when he _______" Ok..so it's not abuse at all, just the fact that the couple's really comfortable with each other (settled) and are more and more open about each other's flaws and quirks which repeated, may irritate the other person.
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One female friend told me that men have to be "trained" to do certain things, not just told. I do not entirely agree..if two people love each other, they will be willing to do things for each other and maybe suggestions need to be made, but you don't force another person to do things..so no "honey if you love me, you'll do___" crap... I think if 2 people truly care and love each other, they'll be willing to make the other person happy, within  reason...btw, that friend has been engaged 3 times and is now engaged for the 4th time--the 2nd and 3rd-the guy left her bc she was waaaay too demanding (he said) or he would not change (she said) ..she hated on her 2nd fiancee bc he would wear a yellow shirt that his mom loves and he wouldn't buy her flowers...I don't think those are deal breakers but maybe there was more to it than she mentioned..because weariong a yellow polo shirt (it was clean perfect condition-I've seen him in the yellow shirt) and not buying flowers are not deal breakers for me even though he would've looked sooo much better in a dark forest green or blue polo shirt, the yellow makes skin look paler : )
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Me myself, I'm with a guy who's respectful, kind and caring and reaaally sensitive (unlike past boyfriends), but he's getting over his father's death, so the relationship's in the beginning stages even though we've been together 6 months now...but we had a talk and we decided it'll be better if we stay just friends. He is the most sweetest guy I've seen..not too many out there : (
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If he starts venting at  you again and blaming you for plans ruined, then maybe say "Well, maybe it wasn't meant to happen..maybe next time...." I would try to get to the root of the problem..maybe he's stressed cause he doesn't feel like he has enough time to do everything he wants to do? and if he feels like he doesn't have enough time to do things, maybe he feels like he wasted the time when his plans didn't work out? Maybe he's angry because he feels he doesn't have control of the situation and that makes him feel helpless?  That's horrible that his mom put him on ADD drugs which made him act abnormal, although I don't think one can do that unless a neurologist prescribes it.  I have a nephew who has ADHD and the newer medication has helped tremendously-he can control his thought patterns, he now has friends and he feels more in control of things which lessened his acting out/anger issues-although he is somewhat depressed.

**********Finally, suggestions: Maybe offer a few suggestions of alternate ways of handling his anger as long as he admits he has anger issues..or what I do is ASK, questions "how would you feel if you ________? " or "would it be better of worse if you _______? ". Ask as if you're really trying to understand his thought process and let him decide which way to go. If he's the type to blow up and then reflect afterwards that what he said/did was not right, ask him "How would've you handled it differently?"  or "Going forward, what would you do differently if confronted with the situation again?", "How do you feel now that ______ has happened?"

I'm not sure if any of this is helping..i do tend to ramble
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Posted 10 years ago
danianiela
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Re: Boyfriend issues

not trying to be insensitive, but they don't sound like huge issues to me.  i find if there's something wrong deep down (like maybe you just don't like him as much as you think you do) sometimes people tend to find lots of other smaller issues to get upset over until they realise what the actual problem is...

just my 2 cents

hope you work it out smile

Posted 10 years ago
pbbunnie
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Re: Boyfriend issues

They're not "huge" issues, but they're not my cup of tea. lmao. If they were something i couldn't absolutely stand i would of broken up with him by now. But i mean, i want him to be tidy, not perfect but when the dishes sit in the sink for a week because he's "too tired" to after work (yet wants to go out or watch a movie, etc etc) it pushes my pet peeve buttons.

thank you smile

Posted 10 years ago
madisonbrock
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Re: Boyfriend issues

Last edited by madisonbrock (2012-01-13 05:02:00)

Posted 8 years ago
jackkrol
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Re: Boyfriend issues

Communication is a most important factor in any relationship. You can easily solve the relationship problems through communication. No end of Man and woman relationship problems.

Posted 8 years ago
natalie vernon
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Re: Boyfriend issues

it seems that maybe this is not the relationship for you, you have only been going out for 10 months, he doesnt seem to hear you, or doesnt care enough to change the small things, how likely is it that he will help in changing the big things, having said that you both are to young to really be settling into a relationship, there is no hurry.  and trust me when i say love isnt enough.   sometimes when we feel that we are in love we really are not, there are a whole lot of other things that come into play, and for someone as young as you are, theres no reason to be some where with someone who doesnt want to meet you at least half way.

Posted 8 years ago
navybrat706
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Re: Boyfriend issues

I suggest reading How to Avoid Falling in love with a jerk by John Van Epp PhD.  I had to read it for my marriage and family class and it gave me little tips on making my relationship better.  It was a great investment of like $17 and 5 hours.

Posted 8 years ago

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